Porn in Khajuraho

Today is my last day in Delhi, Delhi has been quite a welcome change, people often obey the traffic rules and traffic lights!

Trying to get to Khajuraho

I decided to catch one of the most ‘unreliable’ trains to Khajuraho from Varanasi. Not seeing my train number on the departures board, I tried to find out if it was still leaving, cancelled, delayed or what. I really do not like trying to find out information at the train station, there is one little information box with a sad little man in it, with 50 or so Indians yelling at him from the other side. You do not form a line, you just elbow and shove until you get to the front, then you try to yell your question at the sad little man, and he decides who he wishes to answer. Trying to wrestle through 50 indians with a backpack on is quite a feat! I found out my platform, long story short – no train. After waiting at the station for about 5 hrs or so, the sad little man then told me he suppose it must have come and i missed it.

Rage++. The next train to Khajuraho wasn’t for 3 more days, and i did not want to take a bus because i quite value my spine, i think i use it every day actually. So i decided to check if i could fly there, turns out I can, and I can even catch the next flight for $80.

So my options were 8hr train for $10, or 1/2hr flight for $80.

I think this may have been a turning point for me in this trip, it was at this moment i realised – comparatively, i’m a rich b*tch, i can do pretty much what i want, when i want.

Khajuraho

After enjoying my flight, I arrived in town. I love it here! Kolkata and Varanasi are so huge, Khajuraho is a tiny town, maybe like 2 main streets, it was such a breath of fresh air. AND the air tasted better too :).

Quiet little town of Khajuraho

So it turns out porn makes temples a lot more interesting! I had an excellent audio guide walking around the Western Group of temples, apparently the British were horrified at some of the sculptures.

Perhaps horse is mans best friend?

I’ve also stopped telling the Indian locals i’ve been to Khajuraho, in reality, the ‘erotic’ sculptures make up maybe 10% of the sculptures, the rest is beautiful and the entire town is enchanting. BUT if you mention you’ve been there, the Indians just assume you’re a dirty saucy westerner. One guy i was telling about my travels to, as soon as I mentioned Khajuraho he got a dirty grin on his face, and showed me a video on his phone – which turned out to be some British porn he’d downloaded “You like madam, you like?” – now THAT’S awkward.

Flexible!

My favourite erotic sculpture was hilarious. Basically there was a lot of elephant heads (30?) Surrounding one temple, all the elephant heads are the same bar one who looks very distracted. When you look at the elephant he’s looking to his left, and if you look at the carving to his left, it’s an erotic sculpture. Hahaha, was just very funny that this kind of expression was carved into the temple.

Made me laugh!

And like any tourist spot, there’s always the endless requests for photos to be taken with me…

Still no smiles

Also in Khajuraho is a beautiful waterfall;

No Mr Guide, I am not walking any further backwards!

There’s maybe a 50m drop, and no handrails. 2 French girls already fell off this year to their death. And see that bindi on my forehead? Well turns out my skin is very sensitive, and that thing did not come off for a week… NO MORE BINDIS.

Blackouts

There’s a lot of rolling blackouts across India, most places have generators, but not in Khajuraho. So my first night there i spent in the dark – which turned out to be lovely! Dinner on the roof by candlelight talking with other travellers – a lot of Spanish and Korean, i have not yet met another Australian.

Khajuraho at sunset

Due to laziness, I did not book a train in time and so all trains out of Khajuraho were booked out, so again with rich bitch mentality, i took a taxi 8hrs to Agra for $50.

Orcha

While taking a taxi was easy, i encountered one of the worst experiences of my trip to date. The taxi driver was doing very well dodging cows, buffalo, monkeys, dogs all over the road, until at very low speed he just kinda drove over a dog. If i close my eyes i can still hear the yelp and feel the bump. Of course this is India and there’s roadkill everywhere, but the fact we hit it, didn’t stop to check on it… Broke my heart a little.

Trying to forget the dog, we arrived in Orcha, another beautiful little town.

Orcha - Beautiful countryside

I climbed to the top of the below temple… gawd i’m unfit. I thought i might lose some weight over here, but i’m thinking probably the opposite is going to happen… everything tastes oh so good!

Orcha Temple

After Orcha it was onwards to Agra! Saw a deceased lady on the side of the road, but no-one seems to have the time of day to stop or move her body.

Agra

First day in Agra… decided to visit Pizza hut next door and spend the night in and watch Masterchef. Oh noes Pizza Hut – i thought we were friends! Spent the whole next day curled up in bed and running to and from the toilet. Damn you westerner food!!

Thank-you again Travel Doc, took the ‘stage 1’ diarrhea pills, and was OK the next day.

Obligatory tourist shot

There’s lots of things to do in Agra besides the Taj, but my favourite spot was just outside Agra – Fatehpur Sikri.

On the way to Fatehpur Sikri was another horrible moment of the trip – I saw a motorcycle accident and well… i don’t see how he could have survived it, and his mangled body was not moving either… I don’t think I want to go on anymore motorcycles now 🙂

Fatehpur Sikri is basically Mughal emperor Akbar’s house (whose grandson built the Taj) and man does that guy like to party!

His Fort was awesome, 3 houses for each of his wives (Muslim, Christian and Hindu), and a secret door for his 300 prostitutes. He had a Pachisi game board, where e use the whores as game pieces, he’d sit in the middle, and the ‘winners’ go to spent the night with him. Awesome.

Anyone want to win me?

This king did not believe in Gaol/Prison – so if you were bad, he had his favourite elephant stomp you to death. He loved this elephant, in fact, when it died, he built a giant monument in its honour.

There is also a famous mosque here. In the mosque is the tomb of Salim Chishti. It is rumoured that by making a donation and tying a ribbon to the tomb wall, it will help you become pregnant (long story with King Akbar and his barren wives). Anywho, this is where my story about my husband kinda bit me in the arse. As soon as i heard ‘help you become pregnant with baby’ I was like ‘oh hell no, i don’t want to go anywhere near this thing, what if it works and i become highly fertile!!’. The tour guides kept saying I’m married, my husband will love a child… Smiling politely and not wanting to appear cheap, i went through with the tradition. I am now scared of becoming pregnant from a toilet seat.

And finally in the tradition of embarrassing photos;

Muslim Kate becoming fertile.

Next post will be about New Delhi! Off to Amritsar tomorrow.

• Bouts of diarrhea: 4
• Marriage proposals: 3
• People who have told me they love me: 3
• Times groped; 2
• Corpses seen: 10
• touts fallen for: 2